Still iPosting the iPod

Here is what my report card on Learning Your iPod would look like:




Downloading music from my computer
C-
Buying music from iTunes
D+
Getting photos from the camera to the computer to the iPod
D
Accessorizing the iPod
A+
Keeping the ear buds in the ears
F


Keeping the ear buds in the ears is the last technological hurdle I have to conquer. I have devised a secondary use for earrings but frankly, it isn't that comfortable.

However, today I went to the swimming pool--and I looked COOL! It was wonderful stretching out on a chaise with the iPod in its "Golla Mobile Lifestyles" pouch and the ear buds jammed into my ears with Ol' Merle singing "A Place to Fall Apart." It jes' don't git no better than dat!!! So what if I had to move the ear bud wires every 3 minutes so the lines don't mess up my tan--life is worth the little sacrifices!

Doesn't it just bless your socks right off that I don't blog politics?

It's the accessories, stupid!

Oh iPod my iPod our fearful trip's begun

My brain has weathered all your tricks

If you're the prize, I'm done!

This is getting ridiculous. I've gone from one song on the iThing to 34 then down to 13 and now it's up to a respectable 71. I'm not sure what I've done to get those numbers. I know at one point I had about 50 wedding pictures from a wedding where the couple is now divorced--not cool. I finally resorted to that dread command "restore defaults" to remove those pictures.

It's not hard to get the temperatures of any city you like. I have amused myself by adding cities of everyone I know to the iDevice. Since most of the people I know live within 50 miles of me there's not a lot of variety but I feel really cool 'flipping' through the different cities on the screen, even if the weather and temperature and forecast is the same for Cupertino as the rest of the area. Cupertino came on the iPod already. I do not know anyone in Cupertino and couldn't find it on the map if I had to--but that's no surprise. At this point I don't think I could find Oregon on a map I'm suffering from such brain strain.

So I have begun to do what any smart person does when faced with mental melt-down: ACCESSORIZE!!!!! Why didn't they tell me about this at the Apple store? There are countless little accessories to hold the iPod, to clip the iPod, to strap the iPod, to flaunt the iPod!

There is a company in Finland that just churns out iPod accessories! So far I have a hot pink cover and a special pouch on order from Amazon. I've lost track of the Ebay auctions for even more cute things. This, dear readers, is where the fun is! Pretty soon I will be power-walking with my iPod strapped to my arm in its trendy little Finnish holder and the hot neon cover poking out the top. No one will ever know that the only song I've ever managed to hear on the dang thing is "Whiskey Lullaby"!!!!

TMI

The mind is reeling. The first "TMI" came in my email from another dear chat room buddy. With only a few mouse clicks we could take the same "News IQ" the Pew People just did. Mr. T. and I combined our talents and ended up with a perfect 12 out of 12 points. He didn't know the stock market question and I didn't have a clue who succeeded Greenspan as The Real Ruler of the Free World. We cancelled each other out. But in the process we discovered that the question most people knew--84% of the people polled--was that Oprah Winfrey was campaigning for B. Hussein Obama! How is this possible???

Right on the heels of this shocking piece of news about the news came the story of the new planet's name. It wasn't enough that Pluto--whose very name engenders wholesome fun and laughter--was kicked out of the planet line-up. NO! This new wanna-be planette has been named Makemake. What kind of name is that? A reject from a Doublemint commercial? Doesn't the verb 'make' require some sort of object? MAKE WHAT? Make dumb? Make twice?

The runner up name was Easterbunny! Good grief! Are adults making up these names? The choices were between Makemake and Easterbunny? It is time to pack a few things in a small carry-on and quietly slip away.

Rest in Peace

I don't often do this but I received this in an email today. I believe I have seen it before but it seems even more appropriate after government bail-outs, lenders and borrowers who are, frankly, thieves, and government so-called stimulus checks. Many thanks to Pearl for passing this on.

An Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

* Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

* Why the early bird gets the worm;

* Life isn't always fair;

* and maybe it was my fault.



Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).



His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.



Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;

teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.



Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.



It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.



Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.



Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.



Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.



Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; his son, Reason.



He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;


* I Know My Rights

* I Want It Now

* Someone Else Is To Blame

* I'm A Victim



Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Alas the grapes

My iPod immersion has blinded me to the truly shattering news stories that have been breaking the last few days. No, I don't mean the economy, housing starts, presidential elections or Iranian rumblings. I MEAN THE GRAPE HARVEST!!!

We have had smokey air for weeks now. The fires have burned up more of California than any other round of fires in our history. This is the way California prepares for mudslides later on in the year. (Our four seasons are Rain, Mudslides, Fires and Earthquakes.)

In chat I half-jokingly mentioned that all the smoke on the grapes might serve the same function as the smoked wine barrels used to give some wines a slightly smokey taste. Au contraire--we have a major situation on our hands here in Wine Country.While a slight smokey taste might be acceptable in cabernet grapes they simply aren't tolerated in a pinot. And one could get the vapors just thinking of a smokey Riesling! What are all the wine makers to do?

The grape growers are receiving input from vineyards as far away as Australia and British Columbia.

The Sonoma Winegrape Commission is divided over how much damage has been done to the grapes. There is actually a business that removes smoke from grapes--Memstar North America, a Santa Rosa-based wine filtration company that offers a service to remove smoky flavors from tainted wine. There is another company over in Napa, Wine Secrets, which removes the taint of smoke. (Ain't capitalism great?)

Smoke gets into the vine leaves, sneaks into the grapes and gets released during fermentation. Some of the words used to describe wine made from smoke-damaged grapes are "bacon" and "wet ashtray." This would not make good ad copy!

I will keep you posted but I suspect this will be a good year for cabs and there will be a glut of charred half-barrels at your local nursery.

The iSaga Continues....

Remember that I have spent most of the last 7 months in bed--hardly ever venturing out of the house. 3 days of fretting over the new techno-toy, the iPod Touch--had rendered me in a nervous state worthy of my southern ancestors who regularly got the vapors. With my ONE song playing on my new iPod and with my eyes fully dilated from the opthamologist visit, I drove to the Mall.





Ah declare--butter my butt and call me a biscuit! I'd forgotten how frantic the pace is at malls. The parking garages are huge and hazardous; there are all kinds of people all over the place. And the lights! Maybe it was just my eyes but even wearing shades, the lights were painfully bright. I started to the kiosk to ask directions to the Apple Store only to be brushed aside by a couple who in other days would have been labeled bums or counter-culture. They were also asking directions to the Apple Store.


We needn't have bothered--the lines coming out of that store looked like a casting call for a remake of Woodstock R Us. I naturally assumed everyone had bought an iPod and couldn't figure out how to turn it off, put on music, decipher something called iTunes or keep the ear buds in my ears instead of falling out on my shoulders. I WAS WRONG!!!!!




All these people in a rough approximation of a line were there for new cell phones--called, predictably enough, iPhones. The mall store was nearly out and people were signing up to get in line for the last remaining iPhones.




(Aside: after my last cell phone I took a vow of never, ever getting another one. I learned about half of its capabilities and still have the brain scars from getting on top of my learning curve. So what if the battery falls out of the back all the time? I don't care--that's what duct tape is for.)

Since I didn't need an iPhone I pushed my way into the store to be greeted by Ms. iPerky who informed me she was a camp counselor for Apple Camp. She wanted me to go One on One--knowing the reputation for this mall I hoped it wasn't a gang rumble. I politely declined and then found Colin the Capable. He took the iPod and with several magical flips and taps he explained in a very clear way that iTunes was an APPLICATION that enabled me to program the iPod so I have a prayer of getting more than ONE song on it. He also directed me to yet another charger cord so I can charge the iThing from an outlet, not just a computer.







We are definitely making progress. I paid whatever was required to get my charger and get out of the (still) hairy yet balding crowd frantic for iPhones and made my way back to the very un-PC Jeep. iGranny had survived another adventure ITRW(in the real world)



All the same, pass me mah salts!

Invasion of the iPod

"Now don't forget to get yourself a really great birthday present!" These were the words I remember Mr. T saying to me back before the meds began working and the chances of me venturing out to places that sell Big Ticket Items seemed remote. But Sunday I was in Costco--the Temple to Consumerism--and I found myself in front of a huge exhibit of gizmos with Apples on them. 8 GB, 16 GB, a bazillion GB--all models, limited colors. And I heard those birthday words in my mind and I acted--I bought an iPod Touch. (Toccata=to touch, or 'touched')

I have not been the same person since. I remember when the first Apple computers came with no instruction manual--they advertised they were so easy to use one didn't need instructions! Oh my dear 18 readers--this is no longer the case.

And the so-called instructions have only one instruction: go to http://www.youareanidiot.com/ to view the tutorials. (that is not a real link)

3 days later and countless hours at the computer I now have exactly ONE song on the iPod. And I had to pay for it! I have viewed tutorials, opened accounts, seen more albums that I've never heard of and sorted through more advertisements than a sane person should tolerate. For ONE song!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CigNPSIxVxk

Nevertheless, off I went for the regular eye exam with my trendy iPod Touch. In the waiting room I sat next to some kid who had similar wires coming out of his ears. I wanted to ask him so many questions but my courage failed me. However, there were 2 knowledgeable young assistants who helped me figure out how to get the ONE song to stop playing after I turned the iPod off, explained that I couldn't erase pictures from the thing without the computer and I needed probably another $500 of 'absolutely necessary' equipment to take full advantage of the Pod. Just call me iIdiot. With fully dilated eyes, they pointed me in the direction of the Apple Store in the downtown mall.

Story to be continued after imbibing adult beverages--it has been a harrowing day.

The Quote Is Enough

Sometimes someone says something that is so exactly right that further comment or analysis is unnecessary.


This quote by G. K. Chesterton fits that description.

"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."

- The Cleveland Press, 3/1/21