On Wisconsin!

Sept. 10, 2007
We’re gathered--possibly for the last time--at the Little House in the Big Woods. Even though my father-in-law died last January his presence is still perceptible around the cabin. But his absence is even larger. At any given time there are at least 10-25 people here. The front of the property has a travel trailer, our RV and a 5th wheel. Cars, lawnchairs, tables and toys are everywhere and it’s the funny madhouse when large families gather.

I looked at the newest generation of younguns all running around and realized they would never experience this. Their parents have chosen to only have one or two kids. No matter how hard they try they will not have the experience of being with so many generations that no one can really separate it all out. They won’t know what it means to be in a room so crowded with people of all ages that everyone is just called cousin even though some are aunts and uncles, great grandkids, half-siblings, etc. The generations are all overlapped. It seems most of the relatives my age come from families where there are at least 4-7 siblings. And their parents were from even larger families than that! But, to be honest, I haven’t seen that being from a large family means you are from a happier family. All I can really observe is that when everyone gathers, people appear to be happy at the time. But I wouldn’t be meeting so many “exes” and “half*.*s” if folks had been all that content all the time!

Mr. Toccata lost two members of his family within two weeks. Two brothers of the original seven siblings died within two weeks of each other. The first service was for my husband’s uncle. There was a funeral mass conducted by an excellent priest. Very few members of the family believe in anything so it was the gathering of his church family that provided the spiritual support. The priest spoke of hope and faith and the certainty of eternal life. To me the liturgy reinforced meaning to a simple live that was lived extremely well. The memorial tomorrow will be in pretty strong contrast. The grief of my FIL’s children is as valid but they believe nothing--as did my FIL. I dwell on why even have a service. What’s the point if the deceased believed in nothing and the children believe in nothing--what is there to commemorate but horrid nothingness? Better to head to the local tavern and just get drunk. And exactly to whom will the words that will be spoken be addressed? Perhaps people believe more than they will ever admit.

Computer time at the public library here is limited so I’d better try and post while I can. Pictures still are not possible which is too bad since the land is beautiful. California seems very far away right now but I have also lost track of days and dates.
Health update: I have a few good days now. Perhaps the meds will actually help!