THE NAVY SHOWER

We are dry camping on the grounds of a closed Christian summer camp in the Angeles National Forest. Amazingly we have 20 amp power and for water, a clear running creek behind the Minnie. We have to watch our gray water tank capacity very carefully. That means no real shower! Now Mr. T, being a mountain man at heart, has fine-tuned the art of the Navy Shower. I have avoided such an insult to civilization at all costs, preferring to take what is known in coarser circles as a PTA bath. I will leave the deciphering up to the individual’s imagination.

But I could avoid this mockery of a shower no longer. Mr. T walked me through the salient points. I insisted on a dress rehearsal.

1. Heater on in bathroom, doors closed, shower door open—check.

2. Towel at the ready, clean PJs warming up, dry towel hanging on door handle—check.

3. Shower cap on and get au natural—check.

4. Put shower head into bucket and turn on hot water(while shivering) and wait for hot water to kick in, add VERY COLD WATER to make semi-warm water, move collecting bucket aside and jump in shower—check.

5. Get wet. Turn off water—BLAH!

6. Soap up.

7. Shower nozzle back into collecting bucket and turn water back on. When you feel warm water again then rinse as fast as you can and turn the water off.

8. Collected water goes eventually into black water tank via flushing toilet.

9. While shivering violently, dry off, cuss out Navy, wiggle into jammies and swear never to get this far away from a KOA again.

The virtual rehearsal was clear. The actual practice was not so good. I got as far as Step Four before we realized that no one had bothered to turn on the hot water heater. DAMN! Cuss out Navy and Mr. T., scramble au natural into freezing bedroom and dig out sweats from bottom of ice box closet and leap under covers, turn electric blanket to high.

After much coaxing and sexist mocking of weak women from Mr. T, I gave it try number two. It worked with Mr T reporting a total shower time of 5 minutes including the water off minutes.

But I refuse to call whatever that was a “successful” shower. As soon as I get back in cell phone contact with the Real World I’m making reservations with Full Hook-ups.

Do RV parks come with room service???