A Few Things

"I think I need a few things."

I know Mama talk--she means she needs something that in a past day would have been called "unmentionables." You know--UNDERWEAR!

Since actually going out and shopping is no longer an option, I assured her I would go online and find the "things" she needed. Good Golly, Miss Molly! I just clicked onto Macys.com and typed in underwear. I might as well have wandered into a hookers' catalog.

What happened to regular panties? Underwear that covers what needs to be covered and is no big deal? Underwear that can actually go through the washer and dryer at least 100 times? Underwear that NO ONE is going to see except you when you fold it and put it in the drawer?

I was so glad I had not invited my mom over to do dual computer, online shopping. She would have needed the salts more than I do. And this is MACY'S--not Sluts-R-Us!

I made a discreet inquiry to a friend of a friend who has a daughter who explained to me that it's not called 'butt floss' for nothing.

And then the big bombshell--girls nowadays are deciding to go commando so there will be no pantyline at all. NO UNDERWEAR? Pass me those salts.

Don't these people realize that women from my mother's generation hung their underwear inside the pillowcases on the clothesline so they wouldn't be visible to any passersby? My mother can't even say the word 'panties'!!

I never did find something suitable to order for my mother. I told her "they" were "out." That's right--there's not a single pair of panties to be found in the hemisphere. I suppose I will be forced to put out an Ebay search to find regular old cotton panties that have an elastic WAISTband. I really must get out of my cave more often.

And to bring the story full circle, check out this link.

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/weird/Mom-Fights-to-Air-Her-Clean-Laundry-88018162.html