The Golf Handicap

I haven't mentioned the links because it is too embarrassing. A quick update: one of the dread meds for the dread lung disease caused tendon damage in my hands. Right hand, permanent, left hand just annoyed. I was forced into a long break from the game and then slowly allowed to resume a rather limited version of golf--9 iron and a putter. I sneaked in a driver(half-swing) and cheat with the 7 iron. Hey--it's kind of golf!

I got a lovely golf glove with the American flag on the backside. I hoped it might offset the knock-off Chinese golf clubs. Of course the glove was also made in China so I'm not sure where I am in the balance of trade.

Oh yes--I bandage up like a mummy. Hand braces, elbow brace and full girdle that would have done my grandmothers proud. Then add Celebrex and Voltaren Gel and I'm ready to go.

My last time out I teed up and took my mighty half-swing drive. Somehow one of the stays in the girdle had worked out and snagged the back of my shirt which had the effect of a seat belt suddenly locking in place. I don't think one fully realizes how public a public golf course is until one tries to remove a piece of underclothing. Suddenly I noticed that both sides of every fairway were lined with houses. Every other house had folk enjoying adult beveredges out on their patios.



It could look
like this!



There is no place to hide even though I had to unsnag the stay and ease it out of my clothing. Modern girdles have lots of velcro--wrist braces also have velcro--it wasn't long before the velcro spots had all found each other. One hand was trying to undo the stay and the other was trying to unlace and pull the girdle velcro apart to get it off. All I could think of was getting to the 4th tee where I could slip under the eaves of the clubhouse patio, in the shadows, and get untangled. Wrong! There was a wedding reception on the patio with at least 3 dozen guests hanging over the rail admiring the view. So---for the next 3 holes it was swing, snag shirt on stay, try to push free, get velcroed hands  stuck to the girdle. Not my finest round. Fortunately by the 6th hole there was shelter to run in and remove the girdle handicap. Never again!!!!

When I can, I attend Johnny the Grip's golf clinic. He's introduced the class to a little two-step and shake your bootie routine as part of addressing the ball. I can get into this! The last clinic was especially helpful when we discovered that the Firemen were having their annual golf tournament. Bet all those fine-looking firemen knew all about hozzles! Oh yeah--shake it!