Today's lesson: THE DRIVERFourteen serious souls lined up along the driving range to hear Johnny the Grip reveal the secrets to wielding this club that is designed after the main body of the Starship Enterprise.
I was paired with another woman named Poopsie who seemed as unenlightened as I was. And the lesson began.
Do these golf pros only know male sports analogies?
Johnny the Grip: You know how it is when you're up at bat and you're ready to hit the ball out of the park ?
Toc and Poopsie: Well, actually, NO.
Johnny the Grip: Well, how about the way it feels when you're getting ready to throw the football?
Toc and Poopsie: Uh, NO.
So much for analogies. Apparently one is supposed to address the ball with the body language and attitude of some tobacco-chewing, butt-scratching, face-twitching slugger. Suddenly, I knew what ol' Johnny was talking about!I was able to ASSUME THE POSITION!
Even better, I was actually able to hit the ball 150 yards! This is a personal best. I had passed a line, crossed over into new jargon, made my first baby step. Now that I finally felt myself in my body as "Slugger" it was time to start blaming the equipment.
Obviously I would really be hitting that ball if my no-good, limp-noodle, floppy, totally unacceptable driver had a shorter shaft and thicker grips. It was dropped off at the Pro Shop right after the lesson.
After about 15 minutes the class had mastered The Stance, The Attitude and the Backswing. The actual follow-through which included hitting the ball was a tad harder. Finally Johnny the Grip stopped the class. His question for us? "What are you all thinking about when you take that long break/pause at the top of your backswings?"
Once again I didn't realize that the question was rhetorical. I asked Poopsie what she was thinking about and she said her family coming to visit and getting to Safeway. I was about to tell her that I was thinking of the paradox of the Body/Soul Dichotomy and also of that wonderful grass-cutting scene in Anna Karenina when Johnny the Grip stopped our little chat. I don't think that there is supposed to be a pause and, if there is one, thinking should not be occurring. Okay, Johnny, I'll work with you on that!
2 comments:
Toccata, great laughs. Thank you so much for posting. You've made my night reading about your golf balls.
Toccata has that special way of being emotionally available to the golf ball. Her coach unfortunately interprets that as not paying attention.
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